to hear about lives i changed
Before I started working with Nicola ... I was not happy about this area of my life; Was going through a separation and divorce. Was a daily struggle to stay focused on my career, keeping me head up while performing my daily tasks at work.
The most difficult part was... Feeling like I was a failure, like I was alone and unable to keep a marriage or relationship together.
If I had continued down the path I was on...(what would have happened?) I would have never been happy, satisfied and I would have continued to sacrifice my own happiness for someone else's. Also believing that I was the only one in the world going through these types of feeling and struggles.
The thing about Nicola is that she is... Every time I had an issue, felt alone, needed advice and just needed some to listen she was there. It seemed like she already knew what I was going to say or ask, she was always a few steps ahead of me waiting to help me through what I was going through. Similar to a parent or leader that is there in front of you with their hand out willing to walk with you through tough times.
My biggest insight or lesson learned during our coaching was... Make sure that communication with my girlfriend or wife was the most important thing. Also treating your relationship like your career, as in you do a lot of on the job training to be successful the same goes for a successful relationship. You have to make time for each other, do things together and make each other a priority.
And this was valuable because... To be successful in life it takes work, same goes with any relationship.
If I had to measure the results I'd say I gained...(closer relationship, less conflict, peace of mind, focus, confidence, revenue increase)
I feel I've really realized you have to focus on what's important, building the foundation to a strong relationship, better communication, making sure you treat them like you want to be treated. With everything going on around you, just stop and take time fro each other like the saying goes "Stop and smell the roses".
I'd recommend Nicola to anyone having any type of issues in their relationship, also if you had troubled relationship, troubled past or childhood just anything that causes you daily or weekly struggles.
I've never been through relationship counseling before, and even after working with Nicola still don't feel like I have. It didn't feel like marriage or relationship counseling, I always felt like I had a personal development coach or mentor. When we talked it was mostly about what I wanted to do with myself, my life, what made me happy, where I saw myself in 3-10 years. I think that my experience was better than a normal couples therapy that I hear about and friends have been through.
Anything else you'd like Nicola to know? I'm thankful I found your podcasts when I was at a very low point in my life and made the decision to reach out for help. I know I'm a strong individual but I also know when I need some extra help. Thank you for being so nice and helpful when I needed it most.
Before I worked with Nicola I felt low, angry and betrayed. My husband had an affair with a close friend of 14 years. Some days I would feel pain in my whole body and others I felt totally numb. I couldn’t sleep as my mind was racing all night trying to put together the affair and how he could do such a thing to me. I didn’t realise at the time how little I valued myself or my happiness as I always put everyone else’s needs before my own. To cope I had turned to chocolate and sleep. I would wake up, take my children to school and then go back to bed. In between sleeping I’d eat packets of biscuits and several large chocolate bars. I didn’t care about that, I just desperately wanted to feel happy. I’d tried plenty of diets in the past and exercised, I knew what I was meant to be eating and doing, but I didn’t feel like it, so I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.
My mother and husband had put me down and I use to take it. I thought that I was not worthy of love and being happy, so I put everything and everyone before myself. The affair reinforced the belief I had that despite my best efforts, I was still not good enough.
Nicola helped me to see that the suffering was a result of such low self-esteem and could not be relieved through yoga, positive thinking and a healthy lifestyle. That I needed to do deeper work to clear the painful wounds that got in my way of feeling happy and enough. Step by step Nicola supported me in rebuilding my confidence to love myself and to attract new loving relationships and friendships into my life. As well as to rediscover what makes me happy and how to design my life so that it is full of passion and purpose.
The greatest gift was being able to be comfortable in my own skin again and being a positive role model for my children. They get to see me full of joy, motivation and strength, rather than frustrated, stressed and tired.
I’d recommend Nicola to anyone who feels low about themselves and are sick and tired of doing everything for everyone else. Nicola helped me laugh again and reconnect to the woman I used to be. I wish I met her years ago.
I reached out to Nicola because I was struggling to make a relationship last and get over my obsession with weight loss. All of my relationships during the past 7 years had lasted only a few weeks or months. I’d find myself ending relationship after relationship, over the smallest things. I could no longer hide the fact that the lack of success in love was down to me, even though I wanted to be loved, I could not get close enough to anyone to be loved.
I’d sabotage it time and time again.
I booked an online free session with Nicola which was so insightful and it became clear that I had a fear of love and so I was avoiding it. “Love avoidant” I learnt was a common pattern that many people have who cannot let themselves be loved by others. My father was an alcoholic and I felt unsafe around him whenever he drank, as he was either raging or grumpy. I loved and hated him at the same time. My mother was weak and I felt let down by her, why didn’t she protect us and escape. This left a deep scar in me, I found it difficult to trust people (men especially).
Nicola equipped me with the tools to believe in myself and to trust in myself, life and others. She guided me to forgive my parents fully. I didn’t know until working with Nicola that I was still holding on to the pain of the past. I had forgiven my parents with my mind consciously but in my heart and gut I had not. We then planned new ways to be more loving towards myself as well as how to accept love from friends. Next we looked at the patterns in my romantic relationships and created some actions for me to find the love I really wanted. It worked. Since working with Nicola my life has transformed, I feel so much happier as a result of trusting myself and others.
I feel good most days and have met my dream man.
I was lost, confused and exhausted when I first contacted Nicola. I felt like my life was not mine anymore and I was always having to please everyone. No matter what I did for my mum and husband it was never good enough. I didn’t know whether to stay or leave my marriage. All I knew was that I was empty, fed up and couldn’t continue with the status quo. I was tired of being told what to do and always having to explain myself. I wanted to be stronger, feel confident and support myself but I had no clue how to do that. I booked a VIP Virtual day with Nicola and it changed my life. I learnt how to say no to others and yes to myself. Nicola then helped me to implement the relationship boundaries and actions we set together over the following 6 weeks. As I was scared that I may be guilted into doing things I didn’t want to do and revert back to my old patterns. It’s been 6 months now and I am so much calmer, stronger and happier.
I’d recommend Nicola to anyone who is being controlled in a relationship and wants to find their inner strength again.
I went to Nicola because my jealousy and insecurities were damaging yet another relationship. I knew I was being controlling, possessive, and needy at times, but I could not stop myself. My wife was fed up of being monitored and questioned and was ready to walk out the door. I knew I needed to change and I had tried on my own for many years and couldn’t switch off the thoughts.
The hardest step was asking for help, but I am so glad I did. Nicola got me to see that my thoughts are not me, she gave me tools to get through difficult moments. Instead of working on the relationship, the best thing I could do for my family was to work on myself. Nicola got me feeling good about my life and choices. I stopped using alcohol and porn to escape and started being the family man I had always wanted to be. Nicola got me to see that all my life I was trying to succeed and was succeeding but saw myself as a failure. Freeing myself of that changed everything. For the first time ever I feel proud of myself.
I was so surprised how well the strategies in the program actually worked, I read up lots before on anger, drinking and aggression and most of what I found said, you can't do anything but wait for them to want to change... but I knew if I had waited our relationship and marriage would be over. There was so much useful information given on how to create more love, motivate your spouse, anger, problem behaviours, how to handle conflict, how to make joint decisions. It was well worth the money and time I spent for me and the children. I never thought you could save a relationship on your own before, but you can. The only part that was difficult was fighting the voice in my head that kept on saying: "Why do I have to go first', "Why is it always me", "Why should I be kind to him when he is so difficult". Nicola really helped me with that. She made me see that, that way of thinking kills the relationship and that's what we were both doing before and why we had become so cold towards each other. We were both waiting for the other to make the effort first.
Thanks Nicola, your program changed our lives
When my marriage ended I felt like a complete failure. It was my second marriage and I couldn’t believe that my wife wanted out without even trying. I felt angry and empty. Why was I not worth the effort of marriage counselling? Why wouldn’t she give marriage counselling a try? Why could she not tell me before how unhappy she was? I was wary of working with Nicola because even though I knew people who had got great relief from her support, I didn’t believe it would work for me. If she couldn’t fix my marriage how could she help me, I thought. After our initial call though, I realised that I was making myself miserable by constantly getting angry and running myself down. I was holding on to so much resentment and anger at myself for making bad investments that the stress and pressure of this and life was making me an angry person. Nicola helped me to let go of the anger and regret and move forward. Working with her was the best investment I have ever made. The best thing about Nicola’s programs is the unlimited email and whatsapp support that goes with it. She genuinely cares about you every step of the way and makes herself available.
I went to Nicola because the relationship with my mother was really getting to me. I was taking out the stress and anger on my family and even on people at work. I was angry because of her narcissistic ways and selfish and controlling behaviour. I was fed up hearing her insults. I had had enough but I didn’t know how to be strong and loving at the same time. I knew Nicola had gone through a difficult childhood with her mother and that they are close and happy now, so I wanted to know if I too could be free from feeling so tense without cutting my mum out of my life completely. Nicola’s VIP day was amazing and helped me release the pent up anger and set new ways of interacting with my mother, where I didn’t feel hurt. I also now use the communication and relationship tips with my husband and children and they work brilliantly. Friends and family have all noticed how healthier and happier I look, now I am no longer frustrated by her. I not only look better and happier, I feel it inside as well. To anyone having a difficult relationship with a parent, sibling or partner, I recommend the VIP Virtual day with Nicola, it’s made such a huge difference to every area in my life.
I was sexually abused as a child but had forgotten about it. Pushed it away I guess. Memories started coming back to me though a few years ago and it was really blackening my world. My partner did not know what to say or do, I felt disgusting and like damaged goods. I could not shift this feeling of disgust and found it hard to concentrate. Sometimes I would doubt myself and question what happened, because the repressed memories were not often clear. Through working with Nicola I was able to see that I am not disgusting, that it was not my fault and that I am loveable. Several clearing sessions helped me to see that I had been hating myself all of this time and played out this hate in my sex life by giving it away as a teenager and then later refusing intimacy all together. For many years I’d only cry about it when I was drunk or saw something on TV that triggered it. I never thought about healing the wounds years later, until I found Nicola and learnt of the importance of working through the past to have a brighter future. It was not always easy, thankfully Nicola’s compassion and support made me feel at ease and realise my true beauty. I can honestly say that the time I spent with Nicola gave me back my life, I would probably have lost the man I love and still be suffering.
I booked a session with Nicola because my husband told me to or he would leave me. I was sceptical at first, as I didn’t believe counselling and coaching worked. I’d read up on anger management and had hypnotherapy but it didn’t make any difference. I still got angry and hit him when he either pushed me to it or I was drunk. Working with Nicola helped me become aware that my anger was rooted in my childhood and being picked on as a teenager. From this, I had adopted a fighting mentality throughout my whole life. I rarely showed my emotions or feminine side, instead I liked to control everyone and everything. This made me feel safe, but it was destroying my life and relationships. I had no friends and was pushing my husband away, my children were also tired of me snapping at them all the time. Nicola’s 3 day intensive retreat helped me to remove the blocks to letting love in, to accepting love and help from other people and to embrace a softer more loving version of myself. It has been 2 years now and I have not hit my husband or got excessively angry at my children. People say I look younger and that I am more calm and mellow. We stopped divorce and saved our children from growing up in a broken family, all thanks to Nicola and my loving patient husband. The best thing about working with Nicola is that she can see patterns clearly and get results quickly. She is also safe to open up to as nothing shocks her, she just wants to help.
My partner was being emotionally abusive to me and my daughter and I could not decide whether to stay or leave the marriage. I loved him but no long had it in me to accept his constant complaining and emotional abuse. I booked a free marriage consultation with Nicola mainly to discuss the marriage, however during the call I realised that what I really needed was to work on myself. I was constantly putting myself down, I didn’t trust or like myself. I was putting all my happiness onto my husband. I had stopped seeing my friends, exercising and taking time for me. I had forgotten about me and the more I tried to please my husband the more I lost myself. When Nicola and I worked on re-designing my life and relationships according to my values and what I wanted to accomplish in the next 1,3 and 5 years in the VIP Virtual day I felt excited and driven, something which I never remember feeling before. My husband changed when I became stronger too, he didn’t like the change at first after a while though he came round to it and now we have a more equal partnership. I am most pleased that I am a better role model for our daughter, showing her to not take emotional abuse and to stand for what you want.
I had been single for 11 years before signing up with Nicola, I could no longer pretend to myself that I could not meet the right person and accepted that it had to be me. I took her VIP Virtual day as I wanted fast results, then after enjoying the outcome so much, invested in the 8 week coaching package after. I was a complete workaholic, never making time for relationships even though I did want to have a family of my own. My finances and life were out of control because I also liked to spend all my money and invest in different things, that with hindsight didn’t make any sense. I knew Nicola had beaten several addictive patterns including breaking free from workaholism, so I signed up to see if she could help me get balance and love in my life. I did not need matchmaking, I needed guidance to stay in relationships and not cancel on all my dates by putting work first. The journey was eye-opening and liberating. Only when you see what patterns you are doing to avoid relationships can you address them. What I loved about working with Nicola is her down to earth approach, you can tell her anything and she will not judge you.
I’ve never had much confidence and always felt not thin, pretty or interesting enough. I was bullied at school for being boring and ugly and this stuck with me. My boyfriend was always telling me that I am beautiful and sexy but I never believed it. My lack of confidence was affecting our relationship because I would constantly say to him that he didn’t love me and that he fancied other girls. I couldn’t help it. The lack of love for myself was so ingrained I didn’t know how to shift it, I constantly criticised myself and only heard the bad in what other people said. Before working with Nicola I would dismiss anything positive anyone said and repeat any comment that was critical again and again. I also could not accept gifts. Nicola helped me see that this was because I didn’t love myself and that the only way to be happier was to stop the voices that plagued me. It all made sense, but I didn’t know if it could work, if I could really change, as I had been like this for so long. I decided to take a leap of faith and book the VIP day I figured if I could change this, it would be worth it, nothing was more miserable than living in a world where you are punishing yourself daily. Thankfully it was the best investment I have ever made for myself. I came out feeling more in control of my life and knowing that I deserve better. Stopping the self-loathing has turned me from a negative person into a positive person. I am now doing better in all areas of my life: relationships, family, finances and career. To any one considering getting help, I’d say don’t wait, don’t short change yourself you do deserve to be happy and you are worth it.
I booked Nicola’s 3-day relationship healing intensive because I wanted to get out of my abusive marriage. My husband was an abusive alcoholic that was still in denial and refused to get help. I was crushed because I had no idea how to pick up the strength to leave. Nicola did not give me advice or tell me to leave, instead she worked with me to boost my confidence and self-worth, to redesign my life as to what was important to me and we mapped out a strategy to overcome my fears so I could move forward. I needed someone who wouldn’t judge me to help me plan my future. It was an amazing 3-days, we addressed every single one of my fears, I felt focused and clear after. My confidence grew enough for me to follow my plans to leave and protect myself and son. I am so grateful, I am now the happiest I have ever been. If you are suffering from living with an alcoholic I recommend you get help to get out, goodness knows how long I would be stuck there without Nicola’s support.
When my daughter died my whole world fell apart. The pain was so devastating that it affected every area of my life my marriage, career and finances. To say I felt totally crushed would be a massive understatement, I could not function. 4 years later feeling depressed and hopeless I booked Nicola’s 3-day relationship intensive retreat to get my life back on track. Nicola was quick to point out that in my grief I had turned all of my anger inward and hated myself. I blamed myself for her death and not being a good enough mom. My head was full of regrets “if only I had done this” “If only I said that…” I punished myself by eating crap and then periods of starving myself. Hating myself this much made me hate life, I hated everyone and everything. Then I found Nicola’s podcast and began to realise that living this way was going to kill me and that I needed to let love in. So that’s why I signed up for the intensive 3 days with Nicola to help me let love in. Due to the death of my daughter I had blocked all love out and I never had much self-love anyway. It was a wonderful taking this time for me and I really healed the wounds. Day by day after I became better and better at allowing myself to be loved. Before I had no hope of happiness and now I am enjoying more and more special moments every day. I still have down days but they pass much more quickly and I no longer hate myself – this has been the biggest blessing since her death.
I cannot thank you enough for the support you have given me. As you know I had no confidence in myself and felt that I was worthless. My husband was so nasty to me throughout our divorce and I allowed his comments and behaviour to get to me. I was so depressed and anxious when I met you, I could not see a way forward. I was also so scared of making the same mistakes again. You taught me how to see the great in me, how to value and stand up for myself. After the VIP package I felt like I was finally steering my life in the way I wanted it to go, I was able to accept the love from my new boyfriend and love myself more. I am laughing and more light hearted and people say my face is glowing since our breakthrough day. I cannot thank you enough.
If I knew how effective the program would be, I wouldn't have waited 5 whole years suffering, just hoping that my husband would change. I was hesitant because I didn't know if you could really save your marriage on your own and yet I was determined to try. It worked so well a week later he joined me anyway. I'm so pleased I took action and signed up, as goodness knows how many more years we would have wasted being miserable around each other
I started listening to Nicola’s podcasts a while back and found her through there. I went to her to offload about the trouble I was having in several of my relationships. My wife was having an affair and my daughter was not eating. I was constantly plagued with anxiety and wanting to check up on them both, all of the time. Before I worked with Nicola I hired a private investigator as I thought that would give me peace of mind but it only made things worse. Nicola supported me to let go of trying to control others and start giving to myself. I booked her VIP retreat because I knew that I just wanted to stop my thoughts, sleep better and focus on my life, free from all the controlling and negative behaviours. I didn’t want to wait any longer. I took a few extra days on a business trip and met Nicola and after only day one, I felt as if a huge burden had been lifted. As a CEO of a business and father of 4 – 2 boys and 2 girls, I could not wait for things to change by themselves. I had to change me so that my children were not affected. I’d do it again, it was well worth the time and financial investment, in fact I am going to gift this to my daughter and sister next year.
Dear Nicola, I really can't thank you enough for the wisdom, support and guidance your audio set has provided.
My year started off with my husband wanting a divorce and now we are happily married and looking forward to what our future has instore for us.
It has been an amazing learning experience and even my husband listened and implemented the 10 key principles. I truly believe if I had not started with your steps I would no longer have a marriage but I do.
Spring Valley, New York
Before I started working with Nicola, I was extremely unhappy about my marriage and my life at home in general. The most difficult part was the lack of closeness in the marriage. We were also under financial stress, everything seemed like a pressure cooker in the house about to explode.
If I had continued down the path I was on I would have left the marriage, my family, friends, and community due to the embarrassment. The thing about Nicola is that she is warm, kind, understanding, compassionate, and creates a safe environment to share your most personal and guarded challenges. The privacy to have the Skype calls from your home or car, also were a great comfort to me.
My biggest insight or lesson learned during our coaching was how I can live a life by design, and instead of dragging myself down by the things that frustrate me, I should instead focus on the relationship and life I want to build. That was truly liberating.
And this was valuable because it enabled me to create a mindset of abundance for myself. Instead of focusing on the marriage problems and the things I don’t have, my focus switched to what I can have in my life if I make changes. I started the program alone and my wife joined me a few months later, it was great to start to see changes in her.
If I had to measure the results I'd say I gained I'd say I’ve become a lot closer to my wife, my children, even my friends! In the past, I’d dread any form of conflict, because I would get hurt easily. Now, even in the most difficult circumstances I feel confident that the problems can be solved and this is having a positive effect in my marriage and business. In the past, I would burn myself up; today I am accelerating in my relationship and business.
I'd recommend Nicola to anyone who is looking to take control of their life, relationships, emotions, and business! In the free consultation, I knew instantly she could help me. Even before that her podcasts helped me so much! As I started gaining confidence and seeing results listening to her practical advice on how to transform your relationship and life.
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Nicola Beer is a Family and Relationship Specialist. Services include marriage coaching an alternative to marriage counselling, divorce coaching, grief counselling, anger management, healing from abuse and self-esteem boosting. She also runs a relationship coaching certification training and business mentorship program for those that want to start or grow a healing or life coaching business.
She is a US certified grief recovery specialist, counselor, life coach and clinical hypnotherapist.
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